Whoopsie

The Players: A tear stained Mom, An uber-cool Dad and one unscathed Baby

The Setting: A living room in a NYC apartment

The Scene:

Mom: Stands up from love seat to grab a taco off coffee table, taking one step away from love seat.

Dad: “Whoopsie”

Baby: Laying flat on her back on the floor

Mom: “What?” turning slowly to see baby, and realizes baby is not on the couch where she was last left.

Mom and Baby: “Waaaaaaaaah!”

—-

Return to scene 5 minutes later, Mom is still sniffling and is cuddling her smiley happy baby.

Mom: “You were so calm. All you said was ‘whoopsie’

Dad: “It was that or “Glad I’m not the first!”

Yeah, that totally just happened.

Aubrey is totally fine. Husband thinks I’m looney tunes since I cries louder, harder and longer than she did. I feel like the worst mother ever.

The space between the love seat and coffee table is like 12 inches. I stepped forward, not even away, like 6 inches forward and girlfriend manages to roll off the couch and onto the floor.

Crazytown.

Things that make you go hmmm…

Scratch that, more like things that make me go “What the fudgesicle?!!”

I don’t know how to break this to y’all, but here it goes:

Apparently I look straight up INSANE. Like, who let this lady off her meds and out of her straight jacket?

I wasn’t aware of this. I have seen myself for 30 plus years, I thought I was just a normal, albeit sometimes adorable, lady. But nope, I must be cray cray.

Surely you must be wondering how I now know this.

I know this, without a doubt, because I have heard the following at least 20 times since Bree was born:

Oh, she’s real. I thought she was a doll!

My husband insists that’s people complimenting the baby. No Dear, that’s people calling your wife a nutty buddy. A compliment would be “She looks like a doll!”

Saying you thought she was a doll means I look like the type of crazy person who would spend hundreds of dollars on a baby carrier or stroller, plus toys, clothes and a diaper bag just so I could walk around town pushing a doll to look like I had a child.

That’s a special kinda crazy.

And apparently, my friends, that’s what I look like.

Awesome.

The tooth hurts…deal with it.

Or, if you’re Aubrey, don’t. Don’t deal with it, just wake up with your front bottom teeth poking out, cool as a cucumber.  Happy as a clam.  Chilling like a villian.  It ain’t no thang, if you’re Aubrey.

I can’t believe my adorable little baby girl has not one, but TWO teeth poking out of her bottom gums.  No tears.  No miserableness.  No fever.  Just “Good morning mom, I’d like to introduce you to my two new friends, lower incisor A and lower incisor B.”

Cute, right?!

Both the baby and the “speech bubble” idea.  Guess where I found that?

Yup, pinterest of course!

I saw it with older kids, and thought it is an awesome idea for a baby!  I just googled speech bubble, found an image that worked and saved it to my desktop.

Now, I can print it out for each of her major milestones and document the time frame and date.  I’m pleased as punch!

And full of terrible idioms today, apparently!

The photo shoot was actually pretty fun.  Bree loves to roll over, so keeping her on her back was like impossible. 

                                                            So I got a lot of these:

And these:

And these:

Before I finally got this:
So what do you think?  Wanna play along with me?  Love the idea or want to yell at me for stealing from pinterest? 
I know a lot of you are still visiting, I see the stats, but c’mon…leave me a comment, por favor!

The Power of Being A Mom

I always thought, but now I totally know, that moms have super powers.

Not like flying or x-ray vision or crazy strength, but like, the ability to exist on 3 hour increments of sleep, remove milk stains from black clothing and make a full meal out of any random crap in the fridge and pantry.

I kid you not, I only learned how to do that when I had Aubrey. I’m not sure what it was, but some magic switch just went on and now I have the ability to see a meal when before I saw random ingredients.

Last night I was cooking artichokes and tilapia, and Husband came home starving. With 40 minutes until dinner was done, what’s a lady to do?

I thought about ignoring it, but his growling stomach was so loud I was afraid it might break the freaking sound barrier.

I looked in the fridge and bam! I felt like Shawn Spencer from Psych, random things popping out and me.

So I made two amazing apps!

Stuffed Tomato:
Scoop out the seeds and inside, mix with diced cucumber and cottage cheese, place the mixture back inside.

Cucumber Boats:
Scoop out the seeds and make a canoe, placed diced tomato on top
and sprinkle with Italian dressing.

So, so good. And more importantly, so, so easy for lazy ol’ me!